Grounding

feet strike the ground

connecting to earth from the winds of storm

centering

emotions calm

thoughts slow and focus from tumultuous repetition

feet strike the ground

breathe in and out

peace.

 

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Thoughts on the journey

“It is better to travel well than to arrive.”  ~  Buddha
 

I view recovery as a journey.  It is discovery of current limits, challenging the limits to heal, and moving forward, no matter how slowly it seems to go. 

Yesterday was Lughnasadh; the first harvest.  What have I harvested in my life?   The concussion taught me what it is like to have a disability.  In the past, my knowledge was from my education and working with clients.  I understand now what it is like to struggle to perform tasks that are important in life. 

 I have learned about acceptance.  In mindfulness, acceptance teaches us to embrace the present moment and accept it for what is.  This doesn’t mean that we do not strive to bring about positive change.  However, without recognizing and accepting what is, we waste energy and time in denial.  We do not strive to change, we stive to hide from the problem.  Or we hide from knowledge of ourselves.  No one likes to examine their flaws.  It is uncomfortable.  Acceptance allows us to see ourselves gently.  We all have flaws.  Acceptance allows us to change. 

I harvested friendships.  I learned how many friends I have and was blessed by their help, support, and love.  I harvested accepting help.  I try to be independent.  But, in truth, we are all interdependent.  While I received, I also gave.  

  I harvested thankfulness.  I am alive and recovering from the injuries.   My injuries could have been much more serious. 

I harvested patience with myself.  It is hard recognizing and accepting my current limitations.  I continue to work toward recovery but must allow it to go its own pace. 

 I harvested the love of family.  The love was always there but often gone unrecognized.  This I will correct. 

I harvested brokeness and change.  My body has brokeness.   Brokeness has not ruined my life.  It has called me up to a higher level of understanding and growth.   My life has changed this summer.  I am less active, more contemplative as my concussion healed and allowed for reflection. 

I harvested willingness.  I have been a spiritual seeker for years.  I had not found a spiritual home in any faith community.    My accident has opened up a willingness to commit to a formal course of study and practice in a Path that has drawn me for years.  One that I have explored and practiced but never fully embraced due to fear.  I am willing to learn and practice the Path. 

What have you harvested this summer? 

Walking a journey of life, it’s not about our destination, it’s how we live on the journey.  

Brokeness

I came across this quote on a website hit from Stumble Upon today.
 
“Paradoxically, we achieve true wholeness only by embracing our fragility and sometimes, our brokenness.”

How do we achieve wholeness through brokeness and fragility?  These are weaknesses.  Our society in the US values strength, contribution, “winning.”  We don’t accept weakness.  Not truly.  Look how we treat the mentally ill and disabled.  How does acceptance of weakness lead to wholeness?  We are all fragile and broken in some way.   The post-concussion syndrome is my current brokeness.  And, in several ways, I am now more fragile.

When I was injured, I was in the process of training for another marathon.  My goal  for the year was to qualify for Marathon Maniacs ( http://www.marathonmaniacs.com/).  My concussion changed this goal radically.   I won’t run another marathon this year.    This admission is not made from defeat.  It’s from the standpoint of strength; of acceptance.   Running is part of my recovery process.   I run several days a week at the track and am slowly building my endurance and ability to manage the inevitable discomfort from the concussion.   Running is becoming enjoyable again, even with discomfort: the sensation of freedom, the deep, cleansing breaths, the challenge, the joy, the endorphins!  And the sense of accomplishment is back!  Every time I run, I accomplish something.  I challenge myself, I push towards making additional connections in my brain, I run for recovery.   I accept the distance I am able to run on any given day.  I have total freedom from a training schedule.  Running is for running’s sake right now.  If I did not have the wisdom to accept my current brokeness,  there would be no freedom and no enjoyment in the process.  That I cannot train for the marathon would be viewed as a “bad” thing.   Knowing myself, I would try to push through the discomfort when I need to rest.   I’d try to run those workouts, becoming more frustrated, weaker, angrier as I “failed” to keep the plan.  Most likely, I’d set my recovery back, if my actions did not lead to further complications. 

When we deny our fragility and brokeness, we deny our humanity.  In recognizing and embracing our broken selves, we free ourselves to heal and grow.  We become more compassionate towards others, as we understand they are fragile and broken, too.  We gain a deeper spiritual understanding of ourselves, each other, and the world.   Growth is a continual process in life.  We truly start to die when we refuse to grow.