Random cuteness and reducing anxiety

One way to deal with anxiety is to find something you appreciate and enjoy…




Brighid brings me joy and affection.  I am not as anxious around her.  She has a way of keeping me calm.  She is my familiar.

Bobby and Kaliyah are both at Rainbow Bridge now.  Although I miss them, I remember the lessons they taught.  Eat healthy,drink water, play, and get enough sleep.  Doing these things helps with lowering anxiety. They also made me laugh.  Ferrets are inquisitive by nature.  Watching them get into mischief and look totally innocent was fascinating.  I just couldn’t get mad.  They’re also fun to watch play.  They don’t worry about what people think.  They’re totally in the moment.

Reducing anxiety can be done in many ways.  I’ll write more tomorrow.  It’s now time to sleep 

Rules With Ferrets

  1. I look sweet and innocent.  It is my secret weapon.
  2. Anything left on the floor is mine.
  3. If I can somehow reach it, it is mine
  4. My food dish shall ever be full
  5. I will poop right next to the litter box when out to play.  Close is good enough.  I have important ferret things to do
  6. If I can fit under it, I will
  7. Your underwear and socks are for my joy of stashing.  Especially when they are new
  8. Even if I am on the other side of the house, if you open the door to a forbidden room, I will be under your feet to charge the opening.
  9. Anything is a toy- except what you buy for me at the store
  10. I can get away with anything because I am adorable, sweet, and innocent.

our toy

I can reach it. it is mine

Journeys are Never Easy

Today was a bad day for me.  I’m not sure exactly why.  I was just really upset all morning.

I got myself locked into negative mental chatter.  My attitude was fuck this.  It’s been a long time since my mood was this low.  I’ve been frustrated and afraid this past month.  But, not like today.

My thoughts summed up:

  1. I wish that accident had killed me
  2. I really have no life.
  3. I want to go somewhere but I can’t travel alone. I’ll never see Alaska, Hawaii, the Florida Keys. Or go to Scotland again.  Or Ireland.  Or the Grand Canyon, or Glacier National Park.  I’m chained to my town.
  4. I never run a marathon or play in an orchestra again
  5. My careers are gone.
  6. The fucking accident killed me anyway.  I just still exist.

It was another day when the losses were in my face.   I can’t kill myself.  I can’t hurt Brigid or Kaliyah.  Brigid is not s cute kitten and may not find another family.  And I can’t take her with me.  It’s funny how my second thought was how my family would react.  Brigid and Kaliyah came first.  I suppose that’s because they depend on me.  My family would grieve and move on.  I don’t want to hurt them either.

So, I got Kaliyah out to play.  Ferrets make you smile.  She was in a playful mood.   I wonder where my running socks are. She loved the dig box game.  Lots of interaction.  She tried to drag my backpack under the couch.  Ferrets are determined animals.  She would not give up on that backpack.  It didn’t fit.  Fine.  She’ll try pulling under. Spinning it around and trying again.  Dig on it and the floor under the couch.  Flip over on her back and try pulling it again.  By now she’s hissing in frustration.  The odds were against her but she kept trying.  Until she got bored.  Then it was onto playing in the plastic bags closet that I forgot to close.

After she was done playing and tucked into her cage I decided to follow her example and take a nap. Brigid curled up at my shoulder and purred until I fell asleep.  Three hours.

It was a beautiful day.  I went for a short run then read a book at the small picnic area in my neighborhood and meditated.  There wasn’t a focus on the meditation.  I noticed nature and reflected on the Mother who created it.  I had a deer and baby come into the park. Mom deer looked at me, then slowly walked into the woods.  Shea’s her fawn were a reminder of Spring: new growth.  New beginnings.  Maybe even new hope.

I have no idea if my life is going to change.  Maybe things can still get better.  There still things to enjoy.  Even in a narrow world.

I feel better tonight although I am wiped out.  I hope to go to bed early. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Slow Down!

Spring is in full glory here.  I noticed today all the blooming trees, flowers, the gentle breeze bring the smell of new life.  Down the street, there are baby goats out playing. It’s funny how I had seen it was spring but not noticed until today.

It’s so easy to live life at a sprint.  We miss so  any experiences because we are in a hurry.  Today, I went for a run.  I had nothing scheduled for later but I felt like I had to rush and get done.  Ironically, I live in a hurry. Usually there is no reason for me to be that hung up on time.  This happens in part because I have a lot of structure built into life.  When I feel that going “off” I get anxious and rush. 

Today I noticed my run.  The blue sky, the road, the greening fields, the snow cap on the Blues.  I heard my footfalls and felt my feet striking ground. There is a sound it makes, a rhythm.  I felt my heartbeat and listened to my breathing.  It was a run of mindfulness but I didn’t have to keep brining my wandering mind back.   

I had taken spring for granted this year.  I almost missed the transition from winter to summer.  It is a time of growth where the earth is nurtured and blessed for new creations. Not all of the growth is physical.  It is a time of spiritual, emotional, and mental growth as well.  Here, the Maiden blesses us.  We just have to watch, listen, and be open.

It was a peaceful day.  And it now draws to a close with Kaliyah playing- sadly I just lost another running sock, sacrificed at the altar of Ferret Chaos.  Brigid sits at my shoulder, watching me write and purring.  These are small things but very rewarding.

Slow down, notice, and enjoy.


So Fast

I took Bobby Ferret to the vet today.  I felt a lump in his abdomen during nail cutting last night. It wasn’t there last week.  Unfortunately, my fear was confirmed.  He has a cancerous tumor in his belly.  Unless the predinsone slows the growth, he will go to the Bridge within a month.  The prednisone might give him two to four months.  It’s moving fast, so the prognosis of the longer time is not good. I opted to provide hospice support rather than more invasive treatments.  He’s an older ferret and surgery or chemo would cause more pain/illness and be no guarantee that the tumor can be removed.

Bobby’s story.  Someone found Bobby in a vacant lot in Spokane.  His right front leg was broken and the left shoulder dislocated.  He received vet care and went up for adoption.  I am the lucky person who became his “mom.”  That was five years ago. 

He healed fine and is a wonderful little ferret.  He loves to chase his remote control care, playing with the knit eggies, and cuddling.  He also enjoys his Carnivore Care and stealing the cat food.  He also is a little explorer. Outdoor trips are a blast for him.  So much to sniff and dig in.  He is a survivor.  
Bobby was the name given to him by the rescue.  I kept it.the name matched him and was his “survivor name.” I identify with him.  He went through three sugeries, faced a lot of pain, and survived to be a healthy, happy ferret.  He joined my family a few months after my brain injury.  I survived too.  His life changed because of his injury.  Mine did too.  He didn’t let the injury get in the way of a ferret’s life.  I try to not allow my injury to ruin mine. I try to have a good “ferret life” so to speak. Losing any ferret is rough.  He’s a special one.

Last fall

 Watching a ferret sicken and eventually having to make the decision to help him/her to Rainbow Bridge is so difficult and sad.  I hate having to make these decisions.  Yet, I owe it to the furchild to make the best choice for them.  Quality of life over quantity. In the long run, life with ferrets is worth the difficult decisions and the grief losing a ferret brings. 

Five years went by so fast.  I was trusted with a very special ferret and he has brought me comfort, laughter, and now tears.  Five years isn’t enough.  Hell, 20 years would not be enough. 

In the meantime, he is still with me, if only for a short time.  That matters. Even when he goes to Rainbow Bridge, I know our spirits will cross paths again.   Souls don’t die.