I haven’t been blogging recently. I went through a time where I withdrew inside. Acceptance is a process. Recently, I have been struggling with accepting the outcomes of my brain injury. I keep improving, but so slowly. Meanwhile, it seems like life is moving by at warp speed while I struggle along on impulse power. “Captain, she’s nae firin’ on all thrusters!” I think that really describes how it feels in my head sometimes. Things come at me so fast that I struggle to keep up and comprehend what I need to do.
This weekend marks a step forward. Although I struggled with pain, fatigue, and nausea, I continued my training for a half marathon. The Missoula Half Marathon on Sunday marks the first race post-injury. Really, I expect to walk a fair amount of the race. The longest run I managed to complete was 8.5 miles. That is a respectable distance. I paid a high price in migraine and nausea. However, it strikes a huge change in my previous running experience. Two weeks before the accident, I completed the Yakima Valley Marathon, setting a personal record on the course. I miss being able to lay down those long training runs and races. They are a challenge, mentally and physically. Completing the training cycle and race marks significant dedication to the sport. It doesn’t matter how fast (or not) you run, if you complete a marathon, that’s an accomplishment! For some reason, the longer runs trigger my symptoms. I think it has to do with fatigue and repetitive motion. Running is a physically difficult sport. It involves all the senses and I often find myself struggling with sensory overload issues as I run longer. It is encouraging that I can run around 5 miles on a good day fairly comfortably. The first 2-4 are usually easy miles. Maybe, over time, I’ll recover enough to marathon again.
So, this Sunday is a halfer (13.1 miles). I ran the Missoula Marathon the first year they held the event. I went the whole 26.2. The course is beautiful. There’s a few hills to make it challenging but there’s good course support. The half course doesn’t have the toughest hill of the full. Yet, there’s still some good scenic areas. It will be good to put myself out there and try to run a half. I wish I had the shirts. I tried to design a shirt for the race about TBI Awareness. I didn’t like any of the designs I came up with and ran out of time. I plan to keep trying to come up with an idea. I want to make shirts to sell to friends, with the profits going to Brain Injury Association of America.
Wish me luck for the weekend! Race report to follow!