Hard times


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I had my speech evaluation today.  It went ok.  I have delay in word fluency and some issues with concentration.  It was a long test with several sections. I now have weekly speech therapy. 

I am feeling rather sad and frustrated.  Every time things look like they’re getting better I get hit in the face with what’s still wrong.  I also ended up with killer migraine after.  My head is still a bit raw and I’m sitting in a dark room with only a small light. 

For a while this afternoon I just wanted to give up.  I found myself wondering why the accident didn’t kill me.  At the time, my migraine was at a 9 on the pain scale and it was keeping me from sleeping.  A nap usually helps with the pain.  I felt like I was a burden to everyone and not able to give anything back. 

It was a moment of hopelessness. 

The pain faded enough for me to sleep a little.  Better living through medication.   Once I woke up, the pain was gone. 

Right now, I know I will eventually heal from the concussion.  It takes time and i have to be patient.  I have more hope that i will be back at work and giving back.  I still won’t deploy.  I think that will probably bug me for a while.  Life takes some interesting turns.  I still want to go with my unit but know it won’t happen.  Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. 

Keeping hope alive
Waiting for a bright future
As healing dawns full.

Depression whispers
Horrors, bleak darkness forever.
Stealing hope. It lies.

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2 responses to “Hard times

  1. Lydia, You will get better and better. Your progress certainly must be slower than you would want. That’s understandable. THe bodymind is created for healing. In those moment of despair it is hard to hold onto that knowing.
    Your haiku is powerfully wonderful and it came from who you are.
    with love,
    Judy

    Like

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