A New Twist



Kaliyah discovered a new twist to her “butt arsenal.”   The weapon had a range effect of about 6 feet.  Within the first foot or two is the “kill radius.”  Anyone or anything within that ring was treated to the full stench of her discharge.  The smell became less intense as the distance from the application increased.  Fortunately, unlike most biological weapons, the effects disperse fully with time, unless you are another ferret and it gets into your fur.  Then, it takes days (or a b-a-t-h) for you to be clean again. 



This changed last night, when Kaliyah discovered a new way to employ her weapon more effectively: a new dispersal  apparatus.   Her arch-rival, Tosca, was the inspiration for her revelation.    Tosca began a sortie next to the dining room table, beside the porch sliding glass doors.  As they hissed, squealed, and rolled, they arrived at the point of impact and “poof!” Kaliyah employed her Weapon of Miasmaic Destruction (WMD), her butt arsenal.   So far, a normal engagement.  However, the location of the weapon’s use was key.  As with many discoveries, there was a bit of accident and fate involved.  Her butt happened to be placed squarely over a vent for the active air conditioning.  Thus, she greatly increased the range of stench.   The “kill range” now included the entire residence. 




The normal decontamination process of a release of Febreeze and the cleaning of Kaliyah’s nether regions with vinegar water was not sufficient.   Any time the air conditioner activated, the stench was reintroduced to the environment.   The decontamination team of one disgusted ferret (Koda), a rather put out kitten (Brigid), and a nonplussed human strategized.    It’s simple.   Use Febreeze in vent.   It will eliminate the pet odor, right?   The plan was quickly implemented.   Unfortunately, a complete risk assessment was not conducted.  The Febreeze was applied when the air conditioner was in operation.  The human received a misting of “poof” and Febreeze.    An immediate cold water eye and face wash was conducted.  The afflicted human recovered fully.  The operation was partially successful in reducing the odor.

Koda Bear Ferret


The next problem soon became evident.   The smell was reduced by the application of the Febreeze.   However, whenever the air engaged, a bit of the butt arsenal’s odor was released.  Combined with the Febreeze, it made for a rather revolting smell.   Think skunk combined with perfume.  The team called in an additional consultant, Lady Tosca.  By now, she had recovered from her indignation of both getting “atomized” by Kaliyah’s WMD and her subsequent bath.  

Lady Tosca

  If vinegar water works to partially quench the stench, perhaps cleaning the vent would resolve the issue.   The human popped out the vent cover, and supervised by the furry members of the team, cleaned the cover and what vent tubing could be reached.  A brief difficulty was encountered when a ferret team member wanted to enter the tunnel system to inspect the cleanliness first hand.  As ferrets are very flexible and adventurous souls, and somewhat lacking in common sense, the human was not in favor.   The ferret succeeded in entering the system with his head.  However, his back-end was grabbed by the concerned human and the ferret was safely removed from danger.    Koda was placed in a containment area (cage)  for not following safety protocol.  He returned later to inspect the completed project from outside the “fascinating tunnel system.”   Lady Tosca had lost interest in the procedure and was munching away on the kitten’s food in the kitchen. 
The decontamination procedure was a success.   No longer were the residents “treated” to “Eau de Pouf” whenever the air conditioning engaged.  But, the house now smelled like the inside of a pickle jar.  Well, it beats the alternative.   Perhaps more Febreeze….




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