Kaliyah discovered a new twist to her “butt arsenal.” The weapon had a range effect of about 6 feet. Within the first foot or two is the “kill radius.” Anyone or anything within that ring was treated to the full stench of her discharge. The smell became less intense as the distance from the application increased. Fortunately, unlike most biological weapons, the effects disperse fully with time, unless you are another ferret and it gets into your fur. Then, it takes days (or a b-a-t-h) for you to be clean again.
This changed last night, when Kaliyah discovered a new way to employ her weapon more effectively: a new dispersal apparatus. Her arch-rival, Tosca, was the inspiration for her revelation. Tosca began a sortie next to the dining room table, beside the porch sliding glass doors. As they hissed, squealed, and rolled, they arrived at the point of impact and “poof!” Kaliyah employed her Weapon of Miasmaic Destruction (WMD), her butt arsenal. So far, a normal engagement. However, the location of the weapon’s use was key. As with many discoveries, there was a bit of accident and fate involved. Her butt happened to be placed squarely over a vent for the active air conditioning. Thus, she greatly increased the range of stench. The “kill range” now included the entire residence.
The normal decontamination process of a release of Febreeze and the cleaning of Kaliyah’s nether regions with vinegar water was not sufficient. Any time the air conditioner activated, the stench was reintroduced to the environment. The decontamination team of one disgusted ferret (Koda), a rather put out kitten (Brigid), and a nonplussed human strategized. It’s simple. Use Febreeze in vent. It will eliminate the pet odor, right? The plan was quickly implemented. Unfortunately, a complete risk assessment was not conducted. The Febreeze was applied when the air conditioner was in operation. The human received a misting of “poof” and Febreeze. An immediate cold water eye and face wash was conducted. The afflicted human recovered fully. The operation was partially successful in reducing the odor.